Award-winning musical, Wicked, was a beautifully encapsulated story of female friendship and reclaiming power. Starring Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande, the film hit theaters November 2024, selling out tickets globally. Because of its overwhelmingly positive reaction from the audience, many have forgotten about what happened backstage with Grande and Ethan Slater, her co-star. To recap- Grande divorced her husband, Dalton, while filming Wicked. Months later, Ethan divorces with his wife, in July 2023. After this, consistent rumors speculate over the 2023-2024 years, reports of spotting the two at candlelit dinners or broadway shows. Lily, Ethan’s ex-wife had just given birth to their child, after recovering from Preeclampsia, a life threatening birth complication. During the time of the divorce, she was also facing extreme postpartum depression. She had made endless compromises for the marriage, moving to another country for Ethan’s career- struggling in her private profession as a therapist with his constant publicity. Nonetheless, Slater walked away from the marriage, leaving her isolated.
Eventually, in November 2024, Ethan’s ex wife, Lily, speaks out about the controversy in an essay she wrote for The Cut.
Lily speaks on the issue, stating, “Ariana’s the story, really. Not a girl’s girl,” Jay exclusively tells Page Six. “My family is just collateral damage.”
While Lilly had written her entire essay on Ethan’s wrongdoing, she ended it saying Ariana was the story. She was to blame. Of course, the media response was deafening. Online, criticism of Ariana’s morals flooded all social platforms. There’s truth to Lilly’s words- Ariana knew he was married and pursued him nonetheless. To be frank, she’s not a “girls girl.”
But what defines a girl’s girl?
A “girl’s girl” is something (almost) every woman wants to be. It represents “true femininity”: lifting other women up, being a bigger person, being a part of the sisterhood. A flawless character. While it can be a positive reinforcement to build female communities, it’s also a term used to impose the idea that women should simply know better. That women should be unthreatening to women and men, that you shouldn’t make mistakes- because it's all at the expense of true acceptance of other females.
So, what’s the male equivalent to being a “girls girl?”
Well, there really isn’t one. We don’t apply these rules among men because women have less value to them. Yes, there’s “bro code,” a term often used to not have physical relations with someone your friend had intercourse with- but that is purely sexual. Morality in males is defined by the ability to keep it in your pants. Being a girls girl means in all departments, being non-threatening to other women, especially in the presence of men. Don’t laugh too loudly, don’t show too much cleavage–don’t even come off as “suggestive.” As often as this term is used to create bonds between women, it's also become a set of rules carved into society to encourage women to be submissive to men, each other and the entire world.
We can apply this knowledge to the controversy between Grande and Slater. Whether she pursued him or not, the way treated his ex-wife says enough about his character, and how he has failed to value women as humans too. But, when there’s a woman to blame behind an affair, the man is often then invisible to consequences or accountability. As a society, using this microcosm of an example, we need to reflect on our biases– to deter women from the full responsibility of a man’s wrongdoings.
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